Introducing: This Might Hurt a Little.
Should I move to LA?
In April my friend group hosted an awards show for itself. Over the month before we voted by committee (anonymous forms) to award nominees in several different categories, and in the week prior individuals could reach out to the main organizers to nominate individuals for specific awards. One of the first awards of the night was individually selected, the Pick Me Up Mom, I’m Scared! Award for Strength and Stability. To my delight, I won this award.
For years I have functioned as a caretaker in my friend groups, less in the way that I do things for my friends (though I often do) and more in the way that I can handle most anything that could be thrown at me. I am generally not surprised by things that people tell me through waves of snot and tears. I understand that being a human comes with no guidebook, and figuring out how to live is often messy, emotional, overwhelming, uncomfortable, and not glamorous.
Because of this, and because I spend hours a day analyzing the world around me (thanks anxiety disorder!) I am often sought out for advice. It’s a role I relish. I feel honored to be trusted to be of use when it comes to decision making. I find a lot of joy in the act of considering. After all, I am a Saggitarius with a heavy Capricorn presence in my birth chart. TLDR: I have opinions, and I am happy to share them.
With that being said, I’d like to introduce you to something I’ve been working on. I am in a small but scrappy group of writers that publish work frequently, and in a recent impromptu meeting over negronis and popcorn, and after being gassed up within an inch of my life (hi Mary, hi Bruce) I admitted that a dream of mine is to write an advice column. Pretty quickly they decided that the time for me to pursue this was NOW. Right now. Here. In this newsletter. I am not one to argue with those who know me and my writing best, and I’d already been thinking about it for a while. So without further ado…
Welcome to my advice column, which will be a regular recurring guest of undetermined frequency in the Pretend it’s a Newsletter universe. All questions are reader submitted, fielded and answered to the best of my ability. I promise to be enthusiastic, inquisitive, and even keeled in my responses but, fair warning: This might hurt a little.
This week’s question is quick and to the point about a move to Tinseltown.
Should I move to LA?
Up until recently, my answer would have been an absolute NO to this question. For many years, everyone I have known who has lived in or moved to Los Angeles has had a great deal of grief, stress, and general malaise about them. Once, I even convinced a dear friend to move to Nashville by asking him if he knew anyone who was really, truly happy in LA. He didn't, so he put in his notice at his job, loaded everything he owned into his truck and moved here a few weeks later.
In the rivalry between Los Angeles and New York City, I will pick New York every time, even though I KNOW the weather is better in LA. Good weather is not nothing– the weather is of tremendous influence over my personal demeanor so I don’t fault you if wanting to move for sunshine is a quantity in your equation.
Recently I finished a brilliant book by Rosecrans Baldwin called Everything Now: Lessons from The City-State of Los Angeles (which I would suggest you read) and he had this to say:
Rarely simple itself, Los Angeles often would be summoned to express another: a midwestern suburb; a Pacific Rim metropole; a heteropolis - suggesting a land full of love for difference and all things weird: sideways skyscrapers, pluralization, chicken shawarma burritos. For some it was simpler. “It’s Houston plus porn,” one journalist told me in a Spring Street bar.
Contrary to how people try to put it into words, Los Angeles is squarely its own beast. There’s nothing like it in the world. I think that’s both a good and a bad thing. I used to think that it was a place where dreams go to die, but I think it is actually a place where your dreams are tested. There’s a good chance you already know this. There’s a good chance you already know exactly what you want to do. I would interrogate that, and then trust where your answers take you.
The answer to your question in earnest is that I don’t know. I don’t know if you should move to LA. Or rather, I can’t answer that for you. I don’t mean this as a cop out. This is your life we’re talking about here.
Instead I have some questions for you.
What are you looking for?
What’s missing in your life where you are right now?
Do you think you will find it in Los Angeles or is it possible it’s somewhere else?
What’s waiting for you there?
I’ll leave you with this: if you move there and hate it, you can always move back. Easier said than done, I know, but as someone who is no stranger to big moves (exhibit a, exhibit b) you can always move again if you need to.
In the immortal words of Los Angeles resident Hilary Duff in A Cinderella Story:
Best of luck.
P.S. If you’d like to submit a question for consideration for a future This might hurt a little, you’re welcome to! You can do that here:
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