I get intimidated by writing directly into the Substack editor. I don’t know why. Maybe because it’s foreign to me, a bit. I never start a draft here, I usually port something over from Docs or, more recently, Pages. I’ve taken to working on writing with the internet turned off on my computer. It’s nice and I would very much recommend it. It feels like a needed break from the noise.
When I start this draft I begin it in the Substack editor, then immediately I think about moving it over to Docs. I decide against it. Surely I can power through. It isn’t until I type the bit about writing without the internet that I decide that maybe I don’t have to make everything so hard. I switch off my internet and go over to Pages, copying and pasting the first four sentences there.
This is as good an example as any for how I’m feeling this week. I’m not sure of anything, and still I must keep moving forward. This morning as I’m mapping out my day I tell my husband that I don’t know what I need. He suggests taking some things off my plate, and I’m convinced I’ll feel better if I just get something done. I don’t know which one of us is right!
I feel like I’m energetically slowed down. I think it’s the changing of the seasons. I’m staring at screens too much, and outside too little. I think I’m not ready for summer to be over.
Sure, I’m ready for pumpkin desserts, and layers, and cooler weather, but I’m not ready for winter and 4pm sunsets. I think I’m in a mood about it, like a teenager who’s been told to go to her room. Brat summer is not going gently into that good night.
I’m reading a book that is TOUGH to get through, but I really think that I love it. It’s clocking in at 450 pages, and my usual pace of burning through a book every two days has met its match. I’ve been working on this whopper since last Friday. I got desperate and I downloaded a dictation app that lets me scan in the book’s pages, then it reads them to me. There are 6 voices to choose from in the free version and I opt for Gwyneth Paltrow. Something about it feels right. I make a lot of progress on the book, and get the dishes washed. I feel a surge of dopamine that is desperately needed.
In addition to this book, I’m audio booking Julia Fox’s Down The Drain chronicling her teenage years. It is gritty and entertaining, and it makes me feel deeply sad for Julia Fox, and endeared to her all at the same time.
I almost don’t send out this newsletter, but then I decide to because I know you don’t need me to be perfect. On my ~editorial calendar~ I’m supposed to preview a new series coming.
There is a new series coming! I’ve been working behind the scenes on an interview component— you know me, always looking for an excuse to ask people deeply personal questions.
I think you’ll love it. The first one should be out next week.
P.S. Since you’ve already been given a front seat to my neuroses this week, here’s an update: I copy the text from this newsletter over from my internetless Pages to bring it into Substack. Without thinking I close Pages forgetting to save the document I was working from. Thankfully it was still loaded into my clipboard in the ether, and it copies over. Safe to say had it not copied, you would not be getting this newsletter today.
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I'm so glad it copied over and we got the newsletter! ☺️