Hello friend.
Last week, I tried to decided whether on not to move the date of the newsletter and in that headspace ended up not sending one out at all.
This week I decided to show up anyway.
In no way do I have the headspace to write this newsletter this week, so instead I’m just going to tell you what I’m going through right now. In an effort to understand it myself, in an effort to show up to a space I adore, in an effort to just mark the thing off the list this week.
Again I find myself doing my best to just show up.
Right now I am:
a few months into starting a full time job for the first time in my adult life.
still running a freelance photography business that hasn’t really slowed.
leaving a city I truly love, full of people I truly love.
renovating a house in another state on a budget.
getting ready to move into renovation project and go right back to work come Monday morning.
trying to stay present in my body and not numb out.
trying to get a house packed and ready to move cross country.
trying to get time in with everyone.
trying to cherish every small moment I get with the beautiful wonderful friends I’ve made in Austin.
crying daily, sometimes hourly.
very, very overwhelmed.
very, very happy.
God it’s complicated right now. It is a lot. Every day Tucker and I talk about what maintaining during this season looks like and he reminds me how hard this is for me. I’m someone who feels the weight of seeing someone for what may be the last time. I find myself overwhelmed with emotion all the time, over things big and small. I keep saying that I know it’s right, and I know the move feels good.
But the truth is, Austin has held me through the most formative chapters of my life. Saying goodbye to it is going to leave a mark.
I laugh and feel my heart swell because I feel held and loved.
And then I cry because I feel so held and loved.
I know I will be back.
I know I will visit often.
But giving up Austin as my home is big. It feels big.
And instead of numbing out, or shying away from it right now, I am diving into the grief and happiness and the joy and the sense of loss and the sense of moving on to something else. I am crying and laughing and letting it wash over me.
If you are someone I’ve met in this beautiful city, during the last six and a half years of life here, you have made life here better than I could have ever imagined it.
You make it hard to leave.
I love you so much.
It’s okay that that makes me cry a lot.
Today that is maintaining.
Lately:
On Spiders: Today I hired an exterminator to take care of a pesky spider problem in my new house and I have to stay I hate the idea of the spiders dying, even though I know they might be poisonous.
Speaking of the delightful nature of buying a house: If you are looking to buy a house, my friends at Open House Austin are hosting a free webinar about how to do just that and you should sign up! If you’re looking for a more intensive education, they also have a full online course that you can buy!
Right Now: I’m kind of going through a Shonda Rhimes-esque year of yes for my last few weeks. I’m saying yes to as much as I can. Every night this week I have back to back activities and it’s been a lot nicer than I thought it would be, but man oh man am I tired. For a person who has really rarely attempted a double header, I’m pretty proud of myself.
This Newsletter: Was not edited. Please don’t judge me. My usual Tucker Francis level of brevity and clarity and grammatical ease is not present. Be cool man.
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