Opening a Portal
An update, a ship, and some mystery.
I don’t know if they say this but they should: continued creativity opens up a portal.
In my experience the more you show up, however imperfectly, to the work worth doing each day, the more the work worth doing makes itself evident to you.
I know I made a sweeping intention to write (and publish! hah!) everyday for a while, but pretty quickly into that process I opened a portal and needed to make some decisions about my career and trajectory for the next year and that took precedence over pressing publish. I’d wanted to show up here for a month but logistically that became a headache pretty quickly, too.
Instead I wrote for a week, published for 4 days and almost hit publish on the 5th. Instead I cemented a pretty major decision to kick off the new year that I’ll elaborate sometime soon.
She’s a Ship
I can't believe how quickly 2023 passed by. It seems like everything and nothing happened all at once. I am both the same and not at all. Isn’t it weird that sometimes we describe things in this way? Despite knowing on paper it makes no sense, if you’ve been there before you can maybe relate.
Lately I feel like Theseus’ ship.
I carried a lot last year, and I learned to set things down too. I’d never done that before, not really. I’d just kept carrying and carrying things that were never meant for me to carry in the first place. I learned to let things go. I learned to trust in a support system.
It feels as though my parts have been rebuilt. While I was sleeping someone came in and started rebuilding me board by board, and when I woke up I had a new stern.
I sometimes feel like a walking contradiction, paradoxical to the core.
I’ve never worked as fast, or moved as slowly. I feel like a child and a teenager and an adult at the same time.
I’ve never been more connected to the people in my life, never more a part of my community, never more people’s emergency contacts. But I’ve also never valued solitude more. I’ve never spent more time alone. I’ve never been as much of a fan of my own company as I am right now. I think all of life is spent living in these spaces of both/and.
Maybe we are all like Theseus’ ship, getting rebuilt slowly over time.
New parts, but perhaps always the same vessel.
Party Favors
Sabrina (i am a party) by Fred again..
A fragrance for Remarkable People that smells like sandalwood, champagne and citrus.
On a recommendation from my pal Ruthie, I bought this screen free digital camera that operates like a disposable. I snagged it specifically to make photos for this newsletter that feel good.
I’m seeing Mean Girls tonight and yes, I’m wearing pink. We’ve been referring to this movie in our house as Mean Girls (the movie): The Musical: The Movie.
It’s Gone Girl season so I rewatched it last night. After my Rosamund Pike renaissance (post Saltburn), this David Fincher masterpiece hits different.
If you liked Iron Claw you’ll love watching it’s stars play with puppies.
Today is my darling friend Devon Gilfillian’s birthday AND last week I saw Anyone but You and Devon’s song All I Really Wanna Do plays during a particularly fantastic scene on a boat. Happy Birthday + Huge Congratulations, Dev :)
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I feel the ship metaphor so hard.