Live Mas

Recently, while sitting in a booth at my favorite place in Nashville (shout out Xiao Bao) , one of my best friends held my hands and told me that I was entering into a period in my life where I get to prioritize my own joy.

In many ways, every road I’ve traveled has led me here. I changed careers, moved states, got hobbies, prioritized my brain and how it functions, and downshifted so that my life could move slower. I took a hard look at how I interact with the internet, my own distractions, and I began to sit outside in the sun more. I could wax poetic about sitting in the sun, but that’s for later. I planted a garden, I watched things grow. I asked myself what it is that I want, and instead of getting mad at myself when I didn’t know the answer, I just waited. All the while I was dismantling, albeit slowly, the idea that I did not deserve as much joy as I was capable of bringing into the lives of those I care about.

In that booth, with shaking hands held by someone who loves me deeply and without question, I realized that despite where I’ve been and the deep intensity of grief over the past year, where I am going seems bright. 

I am writing right now. More than I have ever written before. So much of it I will never be able to publish. I wanted to tell you that I’m finally writing again. With regularity, and with a voice that feels like my own. It’s been about a solid month of it, and it has been a joy.

See you next week ❤️

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